I am absolutely clueless on what to blog about. I envy fellow blogger friends who seems to have a never-ending supply of topics to tantalize, taunt and tease their readers. You know who you are. Pffft! I hechewww. But here I am…clueless. Clueless, clueless, clueless. Clueless.

So what’s a girl to do when she’s struck with a severe case of writer’s block? *sniff*. You do nothing really. Just mulch and roam about  the face of this Earth looking for an inspiring muse, or interesting topics to blog about. But no such luck. Am deep in the void. Can someone throw me some ideas on what you want me to write about?

All there is in my train of thoughts are pretty much limited to my intense grief over Michael Jackson’s passing, whereabouts of new places to eat, Michael Jackson, Arleya’s toilet-training progress, kambing, Michael Jackson, Edward Cullen, and Michael Jackson. Don’t even ask.

Maybe because most of my writings are limited to 140 characters these days, kot? I find it easier to jot down my mundane activities through Twitter. No need for lengthy paragraphs of jottings and such, I felt. So please, blame Twitter. (but if you wish to be bored with my kambing stories, or my frequent emotional laments over the death of the awesome King of Pop, look up Twitter for ‘azr3na’. Teehee! Self-promotion sekejap).

By the way, I found this fact fascinating. Do you know that we humans are incapable of licking our own elbow?!

*juts out jaw and mash elbow to face*….a’ah, tak boleh la.

So there.

Oh, and I recently gorged on awesome, awesome durians. Took me 2.5 hours to be satiated. That very night, I was like a cat primed for mating. Heaty yo!

So there again.

Crap. I am in a dire need of more INTELLIGENT, THOUGHT-PROVOKING topics to write about. Help me.

Travelling cross-country, with three kids in tow, is a sports in itself. Of Olympic proportion. It is a definite test of a human’s mental and physical endurance. It requires a mighty Herculean effort to remain calm, collected and composed, for example, as one wrestles with a toddler to keep her buckled as they go through nasty air turbulence. Should one succeed going through this ‘test’ called “Family Vacation”, he or she deserves to be knighted. Even if one fails, they should at least be granted with a medal of honor — you know, just for trying.

And so begins the tale of my recent family trip to Australia. (I survived, so please…call me Lady R3na.)

In hindsight, the girls are generally well-behaved and well-travelled. We’ve been on planes, trains and automobiles (count boats, buses and balloons too) quite frequently to some near or far destinations. But of course, what’s a family vacation without some bumps and drama along the way-kan — especially when the kiddoes are low on sugar or just plain cranky for lack of sleep.

Think 2-year old Arleya throwing herself onto the floor of Brisbane Airport’s Arrival Lounge (see illustration above). With feet kicking the air, small fists thumping the carpet, and shedding big crocodile tears, I snapped this photo. So that when she’s all grown-up and capable of feeling guilty, I can show her this. Teehee.

Or the time when 4-year old Arleen, with her big, round innocent eyes, exclaiming loudly as our plane bumped, creaked and jiggled as it took off the runway for Sydney, “Mommy, this chair is making my bontot bum-bum itch.” LOUDLY.

And 7-year-old Arissa — oh bless her. She’s been an angel. Well, other than the time she spread cushions around our table as we were having dinner at a Thai restaurant in Peats Ridge. Where she then proceeded, with partner-in-crime, 6-year old Ayesha (daughter of superfit mom, Esma), to swirling and dancing around the table pretending it was a Hannah Montana concert in session.

But all in all, it was a fantastic family trip enjoyed by all of us (and we hope by our kind hosts too).

Next family vacation : well, maybe at the age when the kids are ready for college. Heh.

It’s good to know that this blog is kiddie-friendly. That’s my intent anyways, to write something that flickers through my thought. Just everyday stuff, boring as it may be, but clean yet quirky things to share, vent and commit for the world wide web to see. I do try to stay clear of controversial, raunchy content, although I do get sidetracked when it comes to *cough* Edward Cullen.

Though I don’t monitor who pays a visit to my blog, I do get somewhat curious to the terms used to direct traffic to this site. The beauty of WordPress is, you get to see the terms used on search engines that eventually brings readers to your blog.

Some don’t surprise me:

• Pangkor Island – perhaps referring to my recent family trip.
• Anything and everything Edward Cullen – right down to “Edward Cullen honey eyes” to “Edward Cullen needs some abs”. Gasp! He does not!  He’s got fantastic abs already. See below post!
• Sexy vampires – let me guess, you’re searching for Edward Cullen?
• Indian puri recipe – probably referring to the image tag used here. Let it be known, I can’t cook puri to save my life.

Then there are some search engine terms that get slightly ‘dangerous’:

• Ways you can diss people
• How to diss people

Let it be clear that this blog is not Killer 101 material. Good clean fun this site is, I stress.

Or I think it is. Until people start searching for these, and got directed to MY blog:

• Kulim red light district — do we have one in good ol’Kulim?!
• Hookers in Seremban — I’m aghast!

So now, how can this blog be rated ‘G’ when it attracts some poor souls looking for steamy sessions, whether here in Kulim or Seremban??!

I’m baffled…

Now, let’s all wait with bated breath as New Moon creeps its way to cinemas near you. But November is too long a wait lah! I cannot tahannnnnnn!!

Thank you Stefanie, fellow Cullen die-hard fan for the ‘abs’-solutely scrumptious poster.

The Star carried this on Monday…

 Dan spent time in Thailand learning the beautifully intricate yet lethal martial arts we call Muay Thai. That’s Thai kick-boxing to you non-Tomyam Gung-eating readers.

So Dan, from a snatch-theft victim  (read: me) to an almost snatch-theft victim (read: you), show those arses who’s the boss!

P/S: If you think that’s the only weapon he has, think again. He speaks good Bahasa, good enough to put me to shame! So be forewarned ladies, gentlemen and crooks, don’t breathe, think or speak bad thoughts of him in our mother tongue. Unless you’d want to see that very tongue gets twisted in a Muay Thai croissant! Yeep!

My favorite shot of Pangkor Island from our speedboat

We have now officially joined the thousands of poor, unfortunate souls who have to put up with ridiculously-priced travel packages, inflated hotel rates, substandard services and clogged highways and byways. Welcome to the land of Parents-with-School-going Kids-who-can-only-travel-during-School-Breaks-or-Festive-Holidays-so-that-their-kids-won’t-miss-out-on-school-days-and-assigned-Homeworks-and-Exams-lest-they’ll-turn-into-Kutus-and-Mat Rempits-if-they-fail-coz-their-Parents-brought-them-out-of-school-too-much!

Phewh.

For the record, Arissa is now in Primary 1, so we are technically stuck to the System. Gone are the days of impulse-holidaying and cross-country traipsing at our whims.

*sniff*

So last weekend, at the start of the 1st school holiday of the year, the kiddoes and us, plus our good friends and their kids, packed our bags and took a roadtrip to Lumut. Once at Lumut, we took a ferry across to Pulau Pangkor, and spent 3 glorious days at one of the happening beach resorts in Pangkor.

Funnily enough, we didn’t feel the crowd, nor see throngs of people despite the peak season. Maybe because the hotel was on a wide expanse of ground, and it has it’s own  private beach and such, so it seems like you had plenty of space. Something of a rarity during school holidays, methinks. So embrace it!

And embraced it, we did!

Snorkelling, round-island speedboating, swimming, sun-basking, live-band watching, eating, EATING, chilling, ping-pong playing, reading (Edward Cullen of course!), eating, laughing, foosballing, snooker-playing, and eating.

Hectic, yet bliss….

And let’s just say we all have turned a shade, or three darker!

School holidays? Peak-season blues,

Oh stop complaining, enjoy and let loose!

 

Bring on the school holidays yo! June, here we come!

Now, if this doesn’t make you holler in laughter, nothing will! Watch the video!

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Overheard conversation between Mariah Carey wanna-be’s manager a.k.a mak hayam, slamming his singing sensation (not).

Uols, mak dah pesan dah, uols kena pegi kelas vokal. Uols dinch pedulss cakap mak. Apa mowtif? Sajork. Uols tak luper ke experience mak di sini? Mak malu uols, malu! Uols pegi kelas vokal, kalau idak uols pitching masuk laut. Mak dinch sanggup! Lagi satu mak nak uols ingat. Diction itu maha pentings, occays! Ingat tak cite mak dolu-dolu? Uols tengok balik video ni…mak horror, nyah…horror! Dey ouls gelaks kat uols occay. Mak maluuuuuu!

(Translation Ah Beng style) :

Oi, I tol lu oledi. Lu go tek dat sing-sing class lor. Lu never lissen one. I fedup oledi. Lu don’t lemember ah? I sulah embeless lor itu kicik-kicik. Lu tek itu sing-sing class now! Lu sing pepel jump fas-fas to de sea. I kenot tahan! Summore, lu mas lemember..dicksyen impotent hokay. I knowlah, I stoly u befor. Lu see back de video. Laik hantu only. Dey all laf at lu lah. I maluuu!

 

Edward Cullen, oh my Edward Cullen,

I am yours, the one and only Rena Cullen.

You are damn gorgeous, I quiver in my socks,

That’s it babeh, I’m moving from Kulim, to the town of Forks!

When I first saw you, felt my passion rage with fire,

With that rock-hard abs, you’re a damn SEXY vampire.

Sitting so close to you, my heart’s pulverized,

Holy guacamole! I’ve been Cullenized!

Don’t leave me, Edward, I can’t be alone,

Especially when I’m oh-so accident-prone!

I love you too much, Edward, can’t you see?

Don’t hesitate baby, come here…bite me!

Who needs SKII or anti-aging cream in a bottle,

Just bite me now honey, and I can stay immortal!

Though you’re a vampy, I still love you so,

Your eyes, your hair, your bod, not to mention your Volvo.

You drive so fast, so sleek, so swift,

Err, slow down baby, my dad’s the sheriff.

Baby are you hungry? Your eyes are midnight black,

Go hunt a mountain lion quick, you’re making me scared.

We’re climbing up the hill now, Oh cut me some slack,

Edward, I’m tired…can I hop on your back?

When you glitter under the sun, you’ve made your mark,

That you’re a special being, with your face like a ‘tepung gomak’!

Sky’s getting darker, the wind starts to howl,

Round up the team, baby, let’s play some baseball!

Your voice is music to my ears, just like a tambourine,

Especially when you whisper, “You’re my personal brand of heroine”.

Baby, how do I say I love thee….oh baby how?

It’s easy honey…just say “You’re my life now.”

© 2009 Rena Cullen

This warrants a blog post, although it’s almost 11 PM, am tired, and I am half-fixated on AXN, trying to ‘undress’ one of ‘em CSI agents. Free teh tarik to whomever can guess which one. Teehee.

I want to write about the recent crime spates that’s been hitting the roof here. Right after I got mugged at knifepoint last Monday, cases of people getting robbed by lowlife hooligans became a daily statistic where I live. The modus operandi seems to be the same…goons on motorbikes goes around sneaking on unsuspecting victims at their homes, or even in crowded, public places. The most horrific of all took place two days ago, just a row away from where I live.

Our neighbour went to a bank in the afternoon, and left for home shortly after that. Little did she know she was being watched and followed by two slimeballs. As she arrived at her porch, those two slimeball of a man rushed up to our neighbour, yanked her handbag, she held on to it but not for long.

Perhaps pissed and surprised by her resistance, the men then went on to grab her hair, slammed her down, and KICKED her! We’re talking two bloody brutes badgering a poor, defenseless lady! They assaulted her until she let go of her bag, but not before leaving friggin’ bruises on her body! All this in broad daylight, ladies and gentlemen! This is no longer a snatch theft case, these guys had murder in their eyes if things don’t go their way. *shudder*

So they made a clean escape then, and you’d think they’d stay clear and not come back for at least some period of time. Ya lah, everyone in my taman were so outraged and on the lookout, but I tell you-lah, these folks have become so arrogant and tamak, the same goons came back to my neighbourhood immediately after the attack, in fact two days in a row now.

I swear they’ll slip up one of these days. I really hope they do. They’ve become too confident for their own good. I hope our security guards will nab them, and please pak guards, throw in a punch or two for me. I have the absolute contempt for these lowlifes who prey and harm innocent individuals just to gain cheap thrills at the expense of others. I hetchewwww!

Arrrghh..my absolute disgust for these sad excuse of a creature is so draining. I must blog about happy stuffs soon. Which I will. Next one I promise! But in the meantime, stay alert. Being paranoid is a good thing these days.